There’s no question that a preschooler will react to a new addition to the family. Helping them learn how to make the most of their relationship over time, however, not only lets you get through the day, it’s an invaluable investment in your family’s future. Rather than assume “sibling rivalry” is inevitable, you may choose to embrace the countless and unique opportunities brothers and sisters have to cooperate and develop healthy, lifelong relationships. I’d best describe my experience in raising a son and daughter as a “work in progress” as it continues to provide a safe, loving environment in which they practice becoming more mindful of other people’s feelings and how their actions affect one another.
It’s important to accept the fact that bringing another child into the family will stimulate a variety of emotions for everyone, particularly your existing child. I can clearly see now that my first child has been deeply affected by the presence of his sibling since the day she was born. Allowing him to express his feelings at the appropriate times, no matter how difficult it may be to hear, has helped us all to understand and deepen our family relationships. There are never “wrong” feelings. However, the words we use when we respond to them can be hurtful, even damaging to our children. Communicating with compassion and understanding, in addition to listening, with love and acceptance will authenticate your efforts to validate each other, live in the moment and honor the spirit of the whole family. Acknowledge the uncertainty during this joyous and challenging time so you can fully embrace this new addition to your family, together, one moment at a time.
Compassion for Their Role:
- Make time for you and your older child to be together without the baby. This is the key to ensuring that he feels loved and valued in a familiar setting.
- Encourage family and friends to pay extra attention to your older child. Make playdates for her with peers and create ways for grandparents and other relatives to spend quality time with her as well.
- Plan activities and help create situations where your child will be successful. You’ll need to reinforce his confidence and assist him in developing individual abilities and strengths.
- Demonstrate how to touch and play gently with the baby while offering opportunities for your child to nurture his sibling and comfort him when crying, feeding, bathing or simply sharing affection with hugs and kisses. In turn, the baby will be nurturing the older child in many ways too.
Erika Stroh is an educator, facilitator and parent coach who conducts workshops and individual sessions. Reach her at Erika@parentfromtheheart.com or 516-889-1994.
